The Nativity Story REDUX

Here is a composite of today's rendition of the Nativity Story, with commentary by Michael and various interjections by Blake and Ellie.

(Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt playing in the background)

Blake: Santa Baby. . . Santa's not a baby. Jesus is the baby. Mom, you tell me about baby Jesus?
Me: (overcome with the magic of the moment) Sure.
Blake: Mom, when I was a baby I was in your stomach? And when I was born I was a dog?
Me: No, you were never a dog.

Dave: A long time ago, Joseph and Mary were living in. . . Shelby, where were they living again? Anyway, they had to go to Bethlehem to be taxed. Do you know what taxes are?
Michael: Yes, they are the yellow things that you drive, you know?
Dave: No, that's a taxi. We're talking about taxes.
Michael: Oh, the things you use to chop down trees?
Dave: No, those are axes. (Dave continues with a brief explanation of taxes and civil servants)

Dave: Mary was really pregnant. Do you know what that means?
Michael: Yes, she had a baby in her stomach.
Dave: And what does someone look like when they have been pregnant and the baby is ready to come out?
(Shelby is cringing at possible depictions of herself a few years ago).
(Michael pantomimes a big stomach.)
Dave: That's right.
Michael: And moms also have these other 2 big bumps but they are just for feeding the baby.

Dave: And they traveled on a donkey a long way and they looked for a place to stay.

(Blake begins to act out this portion)
Blake: Knock, knock. Is there any room for us? No, go away. Knock, knock. Is there any room for us? No, go away. Knock, knock. Is there any room for us? Yes.
Shelby: Well, kind of.

Ellie interjects at this time with her attempts at "knock, knock" jokes, which Blake's monologue obviously resembled. (Knock, Knock. Who's there? --long pause--Table. Table who? Table on your head, ha, ha, ha.)

(Dave explains the birth of Baby Jesus.)
Shelby: And what was the sign when baby Jesus was born?
Ellie: A star in the sky.
Blake: And it was yellow. Ellie thinks it was purple, but it was not purple.

Shelby: And there were shepherds out in the field and they saw the star. And then what else did they see?
Ellie: A monster.
Shelby: No, an angel. And it appeared to the shepherds. What did it say?
Michael: Beware.
Shelby: Almost. Fear not. For unto you is born this day. . . and on earth, peace, good will toward men.

Blake: (looking at the nativity) The cradle and Baby Jesus flew to the couch.
Shelby: He didn't have a cradle, remember? It's the manger where the animals ate.
Blake: Oh. The thing that is not a cradle flew to the couch.

And now Baby Jesus has gone missing.